They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
