remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
