His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
