If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
