When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
