I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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