3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
