Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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