69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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