some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
