Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
