all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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