My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
