i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
