Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Four minutes until I can fart!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
