My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
