His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she peed on how many people?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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