I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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