Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
