there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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