she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
