me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
