wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i came on her dog
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
