Where is the hickey?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
