2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
