My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
