We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
