We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
