She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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