somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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