YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and she was petting her beer can
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
