do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
