where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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