Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
