remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize