i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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