i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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