All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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