so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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