taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
