dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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