Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
