Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
