Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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