just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
