I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
