I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
