guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
