Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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