Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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