I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
