If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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