is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
