when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize