I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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