Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
