A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
