listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize