Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
