Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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