Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
