I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He shit in the fireplace
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
