that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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