Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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