2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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