New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
