As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
