There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think a kid would responsible me up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
