can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
