Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
