yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize