Me. At least after what I've been through.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
