The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
