Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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